Love is a fickle thing.
It’s fleeting just like the summer breeze that brought it along in the first place.
Summer love. Like out of a movie. Nothing serious but still eternal.
We seek love in every way possible. We want to be loved.
And we change like chameleons just to appeal to the other person. So that they like us.
Mirroring. Reflecting. Copying.
That’s what we do.
The other one is interested in politics? Oh, I’ve never realized that I love politics too! What a surprise.
And then you’re caught. In a web of lies. In a relationship you didn’t want. At least not that way.
You’re moving too fast. Just getting dragged along. Loosing your grip on the ground. Trying to hold on for dear life but just leaving behind scratch marks where your fingers tried to hold on. Where your feet got dragged along while kicking out in every direction trying to stabilize you.
Not working. You’re losing the ground beneath your feet.
And you desperately don’t want to cause hurt. To hurt the person who loves you a little too much. The person who wants everything you can’t (ever?) give right at this moment.
The one that tells you that you’re beautiful everyday. Isn’t that what we wanted? What all the magazines said we wanted?
Maybe it’s different in reality.
We want safety and risk. Excitement and calm. Agreement and contra. Scorching heat and biting cold. Gentle touch and demanding hold.
It doesn’t make any difference. We want everything life has for us.
But isn’t what they say “Nothing in life comes free to us (except the bad)”? It seems to be true.
Sometimes I feel like I don’t feel anything. Not just with him. In general.
I feel empty.
No bubbling happiness. No raging anger. No sparkling feeling in my stomach when I look at him. No numbing fear. No deep embarrassment. Nothing.
Just soothing calm. And a little sadness. Like I’m waiting for a storm. And I might be waiting forever.
I don’t know what to do. Help? Anyone?