Self-love and self-doubt

Sometimes you can’t help but regret having done something. Not in a way that you think it might haunt you until the end of your days but in a more direct way.

Right now I’m writing a paper for university. Actually am finally done now and can start with the next one… (Hurray!..?)
You see: Everyone is writing about the exact same topic. We’re solving a case the best we can. And of course everyone has different opinions. Which is totally ok! That’s just the way it is with law I guess.

Problem is:
If I discuss the case with my boyfriend we mostly disagree on how to handle it. And sometimes I mention things that completely destroy whatever he had written until then. Which is really not good. He is writing from home which means that I’m not seeing as much of him as I’d like to. (I miss him terribly…)
And I feel even worse because I cause more work for him even if I mean well.
I guess it is also good that I mention those work-destroying details that I’ve found somewhere. Better this way than him completely losing sight of where he wanted to go with his solution and handing in something completely wrong.
But it’s still not nice to see him react to it. It’s terrible for me in fact. In those moments he questions his intelligence and self-worth.
Everyone can relate I guess. It is always awful to see someone you look up to or just think is a great person demeaning themself so much. Telling themself that they’re stupid or some random other sh*t!

Isn’t it horrible to see that people can have so little self-esteem?

“Love yourself!” is what they say. Of course don’t overdo it like a certain someone who fell in love with their own reflection. That’s vanity, not self-love and nobody needs vanity. It’s what makes great people fall.
But always think about the fact that you are unique and precious. Don’t demean yourself.
It doesn’t only hurt you but also the people around you that love you. And they want to hug you and maybe try to kiss it all better. But that’s rather hard if there is two screens and the world-wide web keeping you apart. Hugging a screen is just not that effective.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m as good for him as he is for me…
I just seem to cause him self-doubt without meaning to. Without even thinking of the possibility that whatever I say or do could possibly result in that. So sometimes I wonder if it weren’t better for me to just stay quiet. I don’t want to cause pain in any form…

—Kitsune

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Published by: Kitsune

I love art of any kind as long as it doesn't involve a long-winded explanation about what it should represent or not. Thus I love to draw. Be it pencil on paper, digital or on a canvas. Of course I'm nowhere near the level of some artists in the world but I like to think that I'm steadily improving. I like reading and drinking tea but also go out if I have the oppurtunity and the right company. I'm a night person which is also the reason why most of my posts are written and published around 11 p.m. to 3 a.m. in the night.

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